Help Me Find Myself
by omgimwritingfanfics
Summary: With all the bitter feelings of rivalry and anger out of the way, it seems like everything is coming back to normal. Yet, both Haru and Rin seem to be troubled by something else, and it's becoming all too obvious to their friends. Gou feels some clever scheming to get the two alone wouldn't hurt, but she has no idea of the trouble she's about to unleash.
1. Prologue

A/N: This begins right where Haru finds Rin, so contains most of the exact dialogue from that scene. Is that copyright? *sniffles* I really hope it isn't copyright, I wanted to write from Haru's point of view here and I couldn't do it without what they said. Argghh...

Disclaimer: If I owned Free! I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be making everything here canon.

* * *

His throat rasped with each breath he took and his legs pounded almost desperately into the pavement, but that didn't stop Haru from careening across the road and around the corner to the place he knew Rin would be.

The cherry blossom tree towered high above the fence, its blooms yet to bud, so similar to the tree at their middle school. There was no time for nostalgia though, because of the red-headed boy that stood at the base of the tree, staring up at it with what only could be described as sadness on his face.

Gasping, Haru staggered to a stop, panting for air. Now he had found Rin, he realised he hadn't planned what to say to him, in his desperation forgetting they were still technically fighting.

"Haru…"

In that dark growl of his name, Haru could feel Rin's anger rising up bitterly, trying to intimidate him to buckle and flee. He couldn't voice protest, however, his tongue to dry to form words.

"Why are you here? Come to laugh at my pathetic loss?" Rin said, but below the anger there was an emptiness, a hollow despair. Rin spoke with the voice of a man with nothing left to lose, who in fact, had nothing at all.

"Rin," Haru forced out, but Rin cut him off with furious words that felt like daggers driving into Haru's stomach.

"You saw what happened in the free," he snapped. "And I was taken out of the relay. The world is laughing at me, so join in! No need to pity _me_."

_No, Rin, please_. He wanted to speak but everything was getting stuck in his throat. He wanted to reach out, to comfort his seething friend—_is he my friend?_—to do something to stop Rin's feelings of worthlessness.

"I told you to laugh!" Rin shouted, his face contorted with a mess of emotions so intense Haru's next words were simply lost. "That's all I'm good for, anyway. I'm not even good enough to race you guys in a relay!"

_There_. That was it. The sign that the old Rin was still somewhere and hadn't been completely consumed by this Rin's obsession with winning. But all that Haru could manage was, "Calm down, Rin!"

If it was possible, Rin's eyes grew even more wild. "Shut up! What would you know?"

"I know."

Haru's hands closed into fists and he stood his ground. "How fun it is to swim with friends…How good it feels to swim in a relay together…" _Things Makoto, Nagisa and Rei helped me see again…but…_ "You were the one who taught me that, Rin!"

And it hit him like a bolt of lightning. All along, all along it was because of _Rin_. Every stroke he now swam. "You're the reason I…!"

A _thunk_ as Rin dropped his back and then the red-head was on him, screaming "Shut up!" His fists closed around Haru's collar and shook him, but Haru plowed on undeterred.

"I understand now!" His hands dug into Rin's arms, feeling them tremble. "I found the answer!" _I found you!_ "Why it is I swim! Who I'm swimming for!" _I swim for you!_

Rin's face was a mask of disbelief that quickly deteriorated into rage. "I told you to shut up!"

Haru caught his swinging fist as it came, but the pure strength behind the punch forced him backwards and he fell and Rin was on him, shaking him, and they were rolling in the dust, limbs everywhere as each tried to gain the upper hand. And just as it seemed as Rin was winning…

He stopped.

Something had caught his eye at the base of the tree, and Haru had a feeling he knew what it was.

_For the team_.

Yet for a moment, all he could do was stare at the shock on Rin's face that softened his angry eyes and his hard mouth, replacing it with a vulnerability that was rarely on his features.

_Rin_…Haru craned his neck to look at the words he had written in the dirt before the Iwatobi team left for the preliminaries. "This tree looks like the cherry blossom tree that was in the school yard," he said softly. "Isn't that why you were here?"

The tight grip on his jacket loosened and something wet fell on his face. Rin's fingers began to tremble and as Haru looked up at him, he saw his red eyes filling with tears.

"Why?" Rin said almost weakly. "Why can't I be free?"

Tears ran messily down his face, washing away all the fury that had been twisting it. "I wanted to swim with you guys. I want to swim in a relay with you guys."

Haru felt his mouth open at Rin's confession, and right then all he could think of was how much he wanted to _hold_ Rin, but that wouldn't do. No, he knew exactly what to say, and he smiled.

"But it's too late now," Rin was said helplessly.

"No, it's not too late." Haru pushed himself up on his elbows. "Let's go, Rin."

"Oh, there they are!" The pair started at Makoto's relieved voice, and Haru wasn't sure if he was happy or annoyed. They both looked up, and there was the rest of the Iwatobi team.

"Rin-chan!" called Nagisa, waving his arms happily as if Rin had never been their 'enemy'. Rin got to his feet, wordless for once.

"Honestly, watching you irritates me so much," Rei said mock-stuffily. "If you want to swim, go ahead!"

Haru stood up next to Rin, who was still staring cluelessly at the three friends. "Rin, come."

When Rin turned, it was like they were standing under the cherry blossom tree at their old school, but this time there were petals blowing around them, the petals Rin had so wished to see.

"It's my turn to show you a sight you've never seen before."

He held out his hand, and in that moment it seemed like just the two of them, standing before the world.

* * *

Okay, first off thanks for reading (I love you!) There will definitely be more chapters (I've got some roughly mapped out already, hurrah) but exams are coming my way so I might not update for a while. Hit follow to keep on track :3


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I owned Free! there'd be so much more sexual tension between Rin and Haru. A lot more.

* * *

"Haru!"

"Come on Haru, faster!"

"Haru-chaaaan!"

"Lastspurtlastspurtlastspurtlastspurt!" Gou screamed along with her friends, their words jumbling together in a frenzy. The euphoric rush they were all feeling made it seem to Gou as if she was the one swimming, not Haru, and she was the one cutting through the water with the speed and grace of a dolphin.

Haru's hand slapped the pool wall, but there was too much water to see who had touched it first. Gou looked at the score board…and felt a scream tear from her lungs at the '1' emblazoned next to 'Iwatobi'. Similar cheers echoed around the entire stadium.

Gou was on her feet already and now she gripped the railing, leaning out just in time to see Rin engulf Haru in a hug. For a brief moment she was worried about what the officials would say to Rin swimming in a different school's team, but that brief worry was swept away under the sight of her brother's grinning face.

It had been so long since he smiled like that. In fact, Gou wasn't sure if he had ever looked so happy since before he moved to Australia that first time. "Onii-chan," she whispered, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes.

_"Which one's your brother?"_ Chigusa had asked before the race, and Gou had begun to point him out and was stopped in her tracks by the look of misery on Rin's face.

Now, though, Haruka-senpai had brought him back, him and the rest of the team. All of Gou's frustrations and concerns were now worth it, just to see that look of pure joy on her brother's face as he stood with his old friends.

* * *

"And here's your updated regimen!" Gou said, passing out sheets of paper to the four teens in front of her. "It was approved by Coach Sasabe, so you're good to go."  
Makoto, Nagisa and Rei were the only ones who studied the routine with interest (the latter pushing up his glasses and muttering something about "When _x_ equals _y_ then the time will be forty-four.") It was only when Gou added, "I asked my brother to look over it too, and he didn't find anything wrong," that Haru glanced at the paper for a bit longer.

A cacophony of male voices reached their ears, signalling the arrival of the Samezuka swim team. They had decided to alternate pools in their joint practices, simply to give the swimmers a taste of something different. "It'll refresh them," Seijuro had assured her, a line she almost missed because of the way he was scratching his head, a movement that perfectly emphasised his biceps.

Haru had looked up at the sound of their rival swim team too. Before Gou could move, he had walked over and unlocked the metal gate, just in time for a horde of boys to pour through and make for the outdoor pool.

Gou quickly averted her eyes from the stripping males, knowing once she caught sight of their muscles she would be lost.

Honestly, she didn't know when her fixation with the muscles of the male body began. Part of the reason she could attribute to her wish to become a physiotherapist. A larger part of the reason was that they were simply _attractive_.

"Hey, Haru!"

Gou looked up from her papers to see Rin barrelling into the Iwatobi team and slapping Haru on the back before latching onto his wrist and dragging him to the water. Haru went willingly enough.

She watched them for a bit, noticing how Rin's attention was solely focused on the raven-haired teen. He had barely dropped a 'hey' to the other three.

Dimly she was aware of Seijuro shouting orders at his team. Now both on the starting block, Rin seemed to be teasing Haru, and—_did he just blow him a kiss_?[1] Whatever it was, it was enough to throw Haru off so Rin could dive in first.

Gou narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Something was definitely up.

"Gou-kun!" chirped a voice. Gou felt her eye twitch.

"It's Kou!" she snapped, turning on Nagisa. "And quit adding _kun_ to the end of it!"

"Ah, but Gou-kun," Nagisa protested, attempting a puppy-dog look. Gou waved him off impatiently.

"Why aren't you in the pool yet?"

"Not our turn," Makoto said, coming up behind Nagisa. "Rei's just beginning, then it's a couple of people from Samezuka, and then us."

"And Haru-chan and Rin-chan are just hogging their lanes," Nagisa pouted.

She frowned. "I need to start timing Haruka-senpai. Excuse me—"

"Wait a sec, Gou-kun." Nagisa grabbed her wrist as she began to turn away. "It's about Haru-chan."

"What about Haruka-senpai?"

"Him and Rin," Makoto said. "Rin especially, according to Nagisa's new friend."

"Ai-chan! He's Rin-chan's roommate at Samezuka."

"Have you seen the way they look at each other?" Makoto said in a much quieter voice.

She had noticed Rin's lingering looks, and hadn't failed to note how after the preliminaries he had immediately asked her for Haru's number, but reading Haru was a different matter. _Makoto-senpai is the only one who can really do that_, she mused, so if _he_ thought the two were acting a little strangely…

_Should I tell them?_

"Haru's also been acting more and more distant lately," Makoto confided. "When you talk to him, he stares off into the distance but doesn't really see anything. His mind is elsewhere. Even in swim practice, I'm sure you've noticed his times are beginning to drop."

"Rin-chan's times have been faltering as well. Ai-chan told me," Nagisa leant in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "he heard Rin-chan saying Haru-chan's name in his sleep! More than once, too."

Gou blushed lightly. What they were talking about now felt too intimate to pry into. _We've got to clear the air between them_, she finally justified to herself. _If their feelings are bottled up for too long, who knows what could happen?_ "I have something to tell you," she blurted.

She glanced around and they huddled in, Nagisa's eyes gleaming. When she was sure everyone was out of earshot, she quickly recounted what she had witnessed behind the swimsuit store, when Rin had Haru pinned to the fence. Back then she had the same feeling she had now—what the two were involved in was much too private for an outsider to witness.

"It was like Onii-chan was the only one who could motivate Haruka-senpai enough," she finished, coming to the realisation herself.

Makoto's mouth dropped open slightly. "Haru had all but given up swimming competitively, but once we saw Rin in the old swim club—"

"I hadn't seen Haru-chan smile like that before," broke in Nagisa. "Rin-chan's very presence fired him up."

They all nodded simultaneously at each other. "I think we've found our answer," Gou said.

* * *

Rei clambered out of the pool, mentally kicking himself. "That dive was not beautiful," he mumbled. The loud voices of the Samezuka pair behind him had thrown him off, and he hadn't had time to calculate the angles correctly.

_Nothing could be as humiliating as my first attempt_, he tried to reassure himself. It only led to inward cringing as he recounted his first failed dive. _Not beautiful!_

Shivering by the pool's edge, he noticed Nagisa and Makoto over with Gou, and girl looking furtively about before ducking her head and whispering fervently with the others. "Shifty," he muttered, and chose to focus on butterfly swimmer that had followed after him. Much as Rei wanted to believe otherwise, he knew his own stroke was a long way off perfection. This swimmer was good, but not as good as another.

_Maybe I'll go study Rin-san_, he thought, but looking for the red-haired teen only revealed he was racing Haruka-senpai—_again_—and in freestyle. No matter. Haruka-senpai's freestyle was beautiful to watch, and Rin-san's stroke wasn't bad. Rather than gliding elegantly, he swam with more along the lines of _ferocious intensity_. Rei congratulated himself on the phrase. It rang nicely in his mind.

A splash told him the second swimmer was in the water. Soon it would be Makoto-senpai's turn. He walked up to the trio, wondering what on earth they were talking about that made them all look so suspicious.

Gou had a thoughtful look on her face as she said something quietly to Nagisa.

The smaller boy shook his head and said loudly, "You don't see me being distracted! I also think Haru-chan is beautiful!"

_What...?_ Rei stopped in his tracks. Why did that line feel like a punch to his gut?

"Ah, Rei!" Makoto had spotted him. "Is it my turn?"

"A-Almost, Makoto-senpai!" he stuttered. _I also think Haru-chan is beautiful!_

_Stop_, he tried to tell himself. _It's just something Nagisa would say. It doesn't mean anything – anything more_.

"Would you like me to show you how to swim backstroke now?" Makoto asked kindly. _No_, Rei wanted to respond, _I want to find out what Nagisa and the rest of you were talking about_.

However he had roped himself into this—after seeing the others swim their medley, he had set his sights on mastering all four strokes. "Yes, Makoto-senpai," he said, trailing behind the older teen.

_It meant nothing, I'm sure. Even I think Haruka-senpai's freestyle stroke is beautiful,_ Rei tried to reason with himself, but he couldn't shake off the uncomfortable feeling that had settled in the back of his throat, like a sickness.

_Why am I feeling like this?_ It scared him. Such feelings weren't…weren't _logical_.

_And logically, what I'm feeling now is just jealousy toward Haruka-senpai's abilities_, he told himself firmly, and tried to focus on Makoto's instruction on how to properly arc backwards into the water.

* * *

[1] Kissu kissu! In case you guys don't understand this reference, I was inspired by a tumblr analysis post. You remember the photo of the young Iwatobi relay team when they just won, and Haru was looking away? Well apparently before the photo was taken, he was getting annoyed at Rin's arm being slung around him and tried to say something to him, and Rin responded by laughing off his cold attitude and blowing him a mock-kiss, which flustered him. Here's the link to the analysis: .com(slash)post/62928922453

A/N: Ah Rei-san-chan, my beautiful butterfly. Rest easy, rest easy.

I'm enjoying writing this a lot, yay! Maybe it's easier to write because I'd mapped out the chapter beforehand? Hm, note to future self.

I hope you guys like this. I really hope you do c:

(If you have time, go YouTube 'Feelings and Emotions, Free! OST. Honestly one of the best tracks they have there. Also punches you full-force with feels!)


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I owned Free! there would already be a third season coming out.

(Will there be kissus in this chapter?)

* * *

Haru was growing tired. He could feel it in the way his arms trembled just the slightest bit as he lifted them, despite the water allowing him to glide through it like an arrow.

If it was anyone but Rin in the lane beside him, Haru wouldn't have been pushing himself so hard, rather he would be focusing on the touch of the water on his skin and the weightlessness it gave him. It was like the pure bliss was reserved just for him.

But it was Rin beside him, and stronger than the feel of the water was the energy that crackled from the spirited swimmer, lightning that electrocuted Haru's veins and made him hyper-aware of the other's presence. It spurred him onwards and he fought to share in Rin's fire, swimming much more aggressively than he normally would have.

They planned for two races of 100 metres free, Haru winning the first race. As he emerged victorious, some part of him was fearful of Rin's reaction, but all his friend did was give him a shark-like grin and move back to the starting block claiming, "Loser pays the winner ten thousand yen!"

When Rin snapped the band on his goggles against his head, the familiar sound echoed in Haru's head even as he dived deep into the water. As he started to tire, the memory of Rin's arms around him came unbidden into his mind. For the rest of the race he couldn't shake the ghost-like sensation of the embrace, so warm and solid despite the fact they were still dripping wet.

He decided he was only concerned about it because he was happy he had Rin back, which wasn't a lie. Abruptly Haru shoved the thoughts away and tried to focus on the race, which was fruitless because as his hand slapped the pool wall he knew Rin had won by seconds.

"Hmm? What's with you?" Rin asked, arching his eyebrow. "You weren't concentrating on the race."

_Damn him_. "I was."

Rin rolled his eyes. "No you weren't. What're you thinking?"

Haru pushed himself up the pool's ledge and shook water out of his hair. "The weather's getting cooler."

"So?"

"The pool will be closed."

"What do you mean, the pool's—oh."

When summer ended, Miss Amakata had informed the team that they could no longer use the outdoor pool. In addition, during the holidays they weren't allowed to enter the school. There was the possibility of breaking in, though…

A bark of laughter caught his attention as Rin clambered out of the pool. "You can just use Samezuka's indoor pool. I can speak to the Captain about it."

Haru felt his face heat up and turned away. Rin strode past him suddenly, shouting, "Gou!"

Gou was talking with Mikoshiba, and standing quite close to him. Haru almost smirked at how Rin aggressively approached the blushing pair and stood next to his sister with his arms folded, almost pushing his face into his captain's.

"Haruka-senpai!" Gou had caught sight of him and by the looks of it, he was her ticket out of the tense stare-down of the two males she was with. She came up to him with a stopwatch. "Uh, I hope you don't mind, but Mikoshiba-san said that your form looked a little off just now."

Haru inclined his chin slightly in acknowledgement. _It's_ his_ fault._

"Gou-kun, I already told you it's fine just to call me Seijuuro," the captain said with a toothy smile that froze under Rin's death glare. Gou didn't turn around, but her face went pink.

_ "M-Makoto-senpai!"_

All of them spun at Rei's panicked shout and Haru's eyes widened. Makoto was standing in the opposite end of the pool, his face covered in shiny red and the water around him swirling with blood. He reacted instantly, running around to Makoto's side, dodging the swimmers who hurried to get out of the pool before the blood reached them. Luckily Makoto was already moving shakily to the ladder, not sinking under the water unconscious.

"Makoto-senpai, I'm so, so sorry," Rei babbled. In his hands was a small towel, which Haru snatched out of his hands and gave to Makoto, who pressed it thankfully against his bleeding nose.

"Go get some tissues," he ordered—coldly, judging by the look on Rei's face. There wasn't any time to apologise, though. Haru was guiding Makoto to a chair when Rei came back at break-neck speed, a pack of tissues in his hand. Haru finished mopping up most of the water and blood on Makoto's face and handed him a tissue. "Pinch your nose and lean forward," he instructed.

"Makoto-chan!" Nagisa hovered over Makoto's shoulder. "What happened?"

Rei lowered his head. "It was my fault. Makoto-senpai was teaching me how to backstroke, and I swam into the wall—"

"And he kicked my nose. It's okay, Rei-chan," Makoto added kindly when the latter started babbling more apologies.

"You alright, Makoto?" Rin joined them, looking at Makoto with a worry that nagged at Haru unpleasantly.

"Mm'fig," Makoto managed, his nose squeezed shut once more.

Five more minutes of waiting saw Makoto remove the last tissue from his nose and breathe a sigh of relief. "I think it's over."

Rin flashed his pointed teeth in his trademark smile. "Good thing you weren't in the ocean, or—" he stopped himself abruptly, uncertainty crossing his face.

"Good thing I wasn't in the ocean, or a shark might have got a hold of me," Makoto finished for him, inexplicably glancing toward Haru as he said this. "I'm _fine,_ Rin-chan."

"Stop with the chan," Rin bit out. _Is he being playful?_ Haru wondered, glancing back and forth between them.

For some reason, he didn't like that idea at all.

* * *

Rin groaned, cracking his neck. That practice was intense, he thought grumpily, but still savoured the feel of the burn his muscles received from the workout.

After Makoto had assured them all he had recovered, Rin had left them and swam about ten laps of butterfly, and by the end of it his arms felt akin to noodles.

He had also wanted to get away from the way Haru was paying an unusual gentle attentiveness to their injured friend. Rin knew why he was feeling this way, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. It would only make it more unavoidable.  
Makoto emerged from the changing rooms, with Rei and Nagisa trailing behind him. Rei still had a tortured look on his face, which Nagisa was attempting to rid him of by doing his regular chatter. Rei was ducking his head, flushing, and it appeared Nagisa's words were finally getting through to him. Looking at them, Rin felt a jolt and wondered why he never noticed it before.

"Your team's leaving." Haru was beside him with that familiar unfathomable look in his eye.

"Get a move on, Matsuoka!" yelled Mikoshiba, waving his arm.

Rin narrowed his eyes. _Hypocrite._ His captain was still standing next to Gou, which he didn't like one bit. He wanted to march right over there and stand protectively in front of Gou. "That's my baby sister, you creep," he muttered.

He stiffened when he felt a hand on his arm. "She can take care of herself," Haru assured him quietly.

"Tch," Rin responded, shaking off Haru's hand. He was fine with initiating skin contact with others simply because that was his brash personality, but of late whenever Haru made the slightest brush against him the flush of heat remained, uncomfortably reminding him of what he had discovered that day in the preliminaries.

"I'll see you later." Haru nodded at him, his blue eyes continuing to bore into Rin's own.

Even as Rin began to walk to the bus, his feet dragged on as if they were reluctant to leave Haru's side. In a split-second decision he turned and jogged back. "What do you say to a last minute race?"

"Eh?"

"Hurry up, Matsuoka!"

"We're going for a run, captain. I'll see you back at Samezuka," Rin shot over his shoulder, hustling Haru away toward the changing rooms.

He heard some disgruntled yelling from the pool, and the clack as the metal gate swung shut. He breathed a silent sight of relief. Gou must've pulled some strings.

"I didn't agree to this."

"Relax, Haru-chan," said Rin, nudging him into a shower stall. "I always have a run after swim practice, and we're just running to your house anyway."

"Why?"

Rin huffed. _Good question._ He wasn't so sure himself.

Silence.

"…Why?"

"Old times' sake," he settled on.

The sun was low in the sky by the time they were finished. Rin looked upwards, his hands locked behind his head, enjoying the brief warmth on his face. "I can't wait until spring," he said.

Haru sent him a questioning look. Rin chuckled and gave a cheesy smile that showed off his teeth. "Because of the cherry blossoms."

"Romantic, right?" Nagisa giggled.

Rin reddened as he realised the rest of the team were standing there, chortling quietly.

"I didn't know my Onii-chan was such a softie!" Gou snickered.

"Shove off," Rin snarled at them, before dragging Haru away.

"Makoto usually walks me home," the raven-haired teen said, allowing himself to be pulled.

"Rin-chan!" Makoto jogged up to them. "I just thought I'd let you know that I won't be going back with you guys today. I have to go get some supplies from the swim store."

Rin smirked. "You're like a mother, Makoto."

His green eyes sparkled. "Just looking out for my team. Bye, Haru-chan."

"Mm."

They began their run, and before long Rin could feel his legs wobble under him. Pure stubbornness kept him going, striving to keep up with Haru, who was running with such a deadpan look on his face Rin felt irritated.

He was sure that Haru was slowly but surely closing himself off again after their emotional confrontations at the preliminaries. _You're the reason I..!_ The reason he what? Knowing Haru, it was probably just 'swim'. So why was Rin getting so worked up over it?

He remembered Haru's face when, caught up in the euphoric rush of victory, he had proclaimed he would never swim with him again. The vicious joy had lasted until Makoto confronted him, and all the way back to Samezuka Rin couldn't tear away the image of Haru staring up at him with an expression as if Rin had shot him.

_ When he looked at me like that, I…_

He hadn't been able to sleep that night, Haru's pained expression returning to him as he drifted between dreams and reality. It made something deep inside his chest ache.

It only made him remember how intensely happy he was the day of the preliminaries, when despite everything he had done, Haru still held out his hand to him and that was when Rin had realised what everything really boiled down to.

_ Stop thinking about it, damnnit!_ He was beginning to lag behind, and put on a burst of speed as he rounded the corner—and the rays of the setting sun hit his eyes, blinding him.

"Wha—ARGH!" The shout burst from his lips as his foot caught on a rock and brought him tumbling down to land hard on the concrete. "Shit," he bit out, brushing the gravel off his palms and trying not to wince at the pain.

"Rin."

A hand appeared in front of him. Rin met Haru's eyes, ocean-blue and glimmering with exasperation. For a second he toyed with the idea of brushing Haru aside, but the more foolish—and weaker—part of him propelled him to accept the offered hand. Getting up, Rin marvelled at the soft smoothness of Haru's skin and might have held on a bit longer than necessary, only letting his hand fall away when Haru began jogging again.

Pain shot through his leg, and Rin stumbled. Leaning against a wall for support, he looked down at his leg and swore when he saw there was a jagged cut that had begun to bleed.

Haru was beside him suddenly, crouching and inspecting his knee. "It's fine," Rin tried to say, but the raven-haired boy ignored his words completely.

"Let's get to my house."

They jogged to Haru's place—well, Haru half-jogged and Rin limped. Inside the house, Haru pointed at a chair. "Sit."

"I can clean myself up," Rin snarled, ignoring the order and trying to get past Haru.

"You'll get blood all over the floor. _Sit."_ Haru pushed him for emphasis.

Grudgingly, Rin obeyed, scowling at Haru when he returned with a first aid kid. Haru ignored him, as expected. "Icy as ever, aren't you?" he said, tilting his head back.

And then Haru was touching his leg, and Rin clenched his fists. He tried to fight the goosebumps beginning to prickle over his flesh. The nerves abruptly disappeared when Haru brushed directly over the cut, causing Rin to yelp. "That _hurt!"_

Haru said nothing, but his lips curved slightly.

"Don't laugh at me," Rin grunted.

"I didn't." His smile widened a fraction.

"Are you kidding? For you, that's like laughing your ass off." Not to mention it made Rin feel more special and valued—he was one of the few allowed to see Haru smile like this, and a brief selfish thought shot through his mind. He wanted to be the only one to make Haru smile like that.

Rin stared at the top of Haru's head as the other settled a bandage over his wound and tensed ever so slightly as Haru's long fingers lingered longer than necessary, drifting slightly up his leg.

"Oi, Haru."

The swimmer looked up at him, expressionlessly at first, but then his cheeks flushed at how close Rin was. Rin felt a surge of triumph at being able to elicit the emotion, his taste of success spurring him to lean in closer.

Haru stood up abruptly, almost knocking Rin's chin, but Rin wasn't letting him get away and sink back into that distant state. He jumped up at grabbed Haru's shoulder, spinning him around.

_What am I doing?_ A part of him wondered.

_ Why am I doing this?_

_ Why isn't he pushing me away?_

He was losing himself in Haru's eyes, slowly drowning in the never-ending blue, so caught up in the moment he wasn't sure which one of them closed the distance first.

Haru's mouth was soft and cool and pressed firmly again his own and right then Rin's entire world became Haru; the way his fingers dug into his shoulders, the feel of his hair against his palm; the short, breathless gasps he felt more than heard. Their lips moulded together and somehow their tongues were colliding and Rin forgot to be careful with his teeth, as told by a sharp hiss of pain and Haru pulling away from him, a tiny bit of blood at the corner of his mouth.

They stared at each other, wordless, and Rin pressed a shaking hand to his face.

"Oh, fuck."

He stumbled backwards in shock. _That was my first – he was my first – _"I need to get going," he managed.

Wheeling, he grabbed his bag and ran out the door, knowing as he stumbled along the pavement Haru wouldn't be trying to follow.

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A/N: I'm so scared Rin and Haru are OOC. Also that the chapter drags on a lot. Gomen gomen gomen. Please forgive.

If you can spare a second to review, I would literally be over the moon. Just having my story acknowledged makes me incredibly happy :3


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: If I owned Free! do you know the amounts of official RinHaru artwork you'd be getting?

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It was 2:56AM on the day after the joint-practice when Gou's mobile chimed loudly, indicating a text. Grumbling, she forced herself to pick it and squinted at the message, rubbing her eyes in disbelief.

"Woken up at this hour for gibberish?" Resisting the urge to throw her phone against the wall, she deleted the text and made to switch it off, but fell back into the depths of sleep before she could quite get to the off button.

When she woke again, there two more messages waiting for her.

**sorry, I fell asleep with the phone in my hand**

And:

** it's Seijuuro**

* * *

Gou's fingers flew over the keypad.

** No not me, I don't swim competitively haha**

She flopped backwards onto the bed, a big smile on her face. Exchanging numbers with Seijuuro had been a great idea, even if she mistyped his number at first and never expected his first text.

They had been texting more and more over the past two weeks, and as the holidays approached Gou would sometimes entertain the idea of Seijuuro asking her out, even though she knew it would never come to that (there was also the problem of _Rin_. She appreciated her brother's protectiveness, but at the same time wanted to shove him backward into a pool and snap "I can handle myself, thank you very much!")

The late afternoon sun streamed in her window, warming her skin. Almost feeling like a cat basking in its glow, Gou reached lazily for her phone when it buzzed again.

**kind of contradictory lol, anyway do u know what's up with ur brother?**

_Onii-chan?_ Gou frowned in confusion, thinking. She had only seen Rin two or three times since the latest joint practise at Iwatobi's pool, but those moments had been brief at the most. Rin had been his usual self toward her—abrasive and blunt, attitudes that covered the sweeter older brother she knew she had.

When she saw him, though, she hadn't had any of the other guys around her, only Hana-chan—who giggled like a mad-woman when Rin looked her way. _It's no use, Hana-chan, if Rin is who I think he is_, she thought wryly.

**Don't tell me something happened between him and Haruka-senpai again.**

She clucked her tongue as she typed. They had just resolved their fight, which was based off one huge misunderstanding, apparently, but now they were straight back in it again? _Seriously, Onii-chan?_

The only time she really saw the Iwatobi swim team was after school during practices, but there was little room for conversation as Coach Sasabe was too busy yelling at them and messing around with his underwater camera equipment. Her main task during these practices was to time and record them. So far Nagisa's, Rei's and Makoto's times had been fairly steady but she (and Coach Sasabe) had noticed Haru's times beginning to falter and on one occasion he just stopped swimming in the middle of the pool and started to tread water, staring into the sky.

Her mobile trilled, making her jump. _Wait, why is Seijuuro calling me?_ The butterflies in her stomach morphed into snakes. Chewing on her lip, she pressed the 'answer' button.

"_Gou-kun!_" boomed Seijuuro's voice, making her wince and tear the phone away from her ear.

"Why did you call?" she asked hesitantly.

There was a short pause. "_I—uh, um, I don't…know?_"

"Oh." Nervously, Gou tried to bring up a topic but her mind had gone totally blank. "Uhh…" _What do I say, shitshitshit don't screw this up Gou, just say _something_!_

"_I-well-oh, screw it,_" growled Seijuuro. "_I called so I could ask you out. If I do it over texting it isn't all that meaningful, is it? This was the next best thing._"

"A-ask me out?" she stuttered.

"_Yep_."

Her mouth flapped open and closed, words getting stuck in her throat. "I—I—"

A laugh came humourlessly over the line. "_It's a no, isn't it?_"

"No! I mean, yes! I mean," she cut herself off and took a deep breath. "I would really like that, Seijuuro."

"_Awesome, I_—" a sharp ring drowned out his next words. Gou waiting for a moment, wondering what was going on.

"_Ah, Gou-kun, I just got your text. Before I talk about it though, is next Friday at the cinemas confirmed? I can pick you up at six?_"

She knew she was blushing up a storm. "That would be great. But stop calling me Gou-kun."

"_Alright, Gou._"

That's not what I meant, she started to say exasperatedly, but Seijuuro had already plowed ahead.

_ "I might as well tell you about your brother, then, I didn't really want to text this._"

"So did they fight again?" she huffed.

"_Not exactly, I think. I'm not sure what's up, but his performance has become pretty terrible lately. Think his hundred-metre-free-in-the-preliminaries terrible._"

She winced. "Don't insult my brother's swimming!"

"_Oh shit,_" Seijuuro mumbled. "_Sorry, sorry. Anyway it's not only affecting his swimming, as the captain I have to say his attitude has become even worse. He's almost started fights with several of the team members and if this goes on, I'll be forced to kick him off the team_."

"No!" Gou couldn't even begin to imagine Rin's reaction to that.

"_That's not all. Just yesterday I overheard him in the change rooms. It sounded like he was trying to practice a conversation with Nanase. He said, and I quote, 'About that kiss.' "_

"Oh my God," mumbled Gou. She had no idea things had moved along that fast. "That would give a good explanation to their behaviour."

"_The way things are now, they can either confront each other about this 'kiss' or things are gonna go downhill._"

"How are we going to get them alone together?" Gou mused. "Haruka-senpai's always got at least one of his friends around, and Onii-chan is incredibly stubborn. He'll be too proud to admit his feelings if he was called out on them."

"_My cousins work at a hot springs resort. I can get a room for them, easy. It'll be up to you to convince Nanase and your brother._"

"…I'll have to tell Makoto-senpai about it. Oh, and Rei-kun and Nagisa-kun. Onii-chan and Haruka-senpai will definitely suspect something's up unless everyone's in on it."

"_If they can keep their mouths shut, it'll be fine_."

"Just a question, Seijuuro, why do you care so much about my brother's love life?"

An awkward laugh came over the line. "_I could say it's because I'm concerned for my team's benefit, which I actually am, but it's also because I don't want to risk the big-brother-fury when I take you out on a date_. _It'll be less violent if he's distracted, right?_"

The butterflies, which had been temporarily forgotten, burst into tumbling flight again. Gou knew her face was turning eighty-four shades of red right then and there. "Uhh…"

"_I have to go now, Gou._"

"See you," she said quietly.

"_I can't wait until next Friday._"

The line went dead, leaving Gou paralysed between throwing herself in her bed in giddy excitement, or fainting in a heap on the floor.

* * *

Makoto looked sidewards at Haru, wondering what could be bothering his friend so much. Since the last joint practice, rather than his usual stoic expression, Haru had lately taken to stonily glaring at everything in sight, his eyes a cold blue fire.

The lunch bell rang, jerking him out of his wonderings. "Hey Haru, want to eat on the roof?" he asked, standing.

Haru nodded ever so slightly, with not a flicker of interest in his face.

"Mackerel bento," Makoto assured him when they were outside, handing him the box. When Haru didn't even look at him, his worry increased. "Haru-chan, what's—"

"Makoto-senpai!" Gou was running up the stairs, dragging along her brown-haired friend they had met at the Squid Festival. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?" she added more softly, glancing very obviously at Haru, who rolled his eyes.

"I'll go to the roof by myself, Makoto," he assured tonelessly.

Before Makoto could react, his friend was already halfway down the hall. He turned back to Gou, his forehead creased. "Do you have any idea what's up with Haru-chan?"

"I think so." Gou bobbed her head enthusiastically.

"Lately he's been very cold, just when I thought he was opening up more because of the preliminaries. I'm suspecting something concerning Rin, but another fight? So soon?"

Gou leaned up to whisper in Makoto's ear. "We think Haruka-senpai and Onii-chan kissed."

"_What_?"

Gou relayed the information she said she had gotten from the Samezuka swim team's Captain. "Don't you think the explanation fits perfectly for their behaviour?" she finally finished. "The two idiots can't face each other."

Makoto nodded in agreement, the wheels in his mind going into overdrive. He had suspected before, but could it really be...?

"Should I be listening in on this conversation?" Gou's friend said, mostly to herself.

"I can trust you to keep your mouth shut about it, can't I?" Gou teased.

"Yeah, but, it doesn't really concern me…" she trailed off.

"It's alright—" Makoto began.

"Hana-chan," Gou told him.

"Don't tell him to use chan on my name!" the girl insisted, flushing. She bowed to Makoto politely. "My name is Chigusa Hanamura. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, Chigusa-san. Any friend of Gou-chan's is a friend of mine."

Chigusa stared at him with wide eyes, and Makoto felt something twist in his stomach.

"Now that the formalities are out of the way!" Gou interrupted, clapping her hands. "It's time I told you about Operation Hot Springs!"

* * *

A/N: These chapters move slow don't they I'm so sorry.

Yaay for implied MakoChigusa!

As usual, please tell me if anyone is super OOC c:

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**Because I want to, I will show you my Free OTPs!**

Haru x Rin

Rei x Nagisa

Gou x Seijuuro

Makoto x Chigusa (Because he and Haru are my BrOTP and I don't want him left out of the love)

Sasabe x Amakata

Aaand just so Nitori doesn't get left out (and because I can't stand the Rintori ship, don't ask me why):

OT3 of Rei x Nagisa x Nitori! (Headcanon: Rei has a shota-boy fetish)

And I only like MakoHaru when he's in an OT3 with Haru x Rin x Makoto :P


	5. Author's Message

**THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER! REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER!**

I'm so so sorry it isn't a chapter.

I added this here so I could tell anybody following the story that I won't be able to update regularly. Exams are happening **very** soon and I need to buckle down and start studying :( Updates will be held off for about three or so weeks? Maybe a bit longer, when I take a break from stuff like this I need to re-immerse myself in all the fanart and analyses of the characters to get an understanding of them again.

Gwwaaaaah. Sorry guys. I love you all so much for reading, though.

(Check out my profile, I have two completed oneshots on Free! One of them is kind of weirded, though. Prepare yourself.)

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Disclaimer: If I owned Free! **the whole show would be a mess of OTPs and shipping. It would probably lose its original purpose in the overwhelming homosexuality.**


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